Ode to a Puerto-Rican Goddess
Title: Ode to a Puerto Rican Goddess
By Bryan Coe, originally published on the Michelle Rodriguez Underground Forum.(new version)
Rating: M-N (for mildly nauseating)



When first I saw you, you were only a blur
A new hottie in Hollywood? of this I was sure
Racing down the highway so fast, dare I say furious
Kick-ass attitude and a cute smile? I was definitely curious

Next to raccoon city, fighting enemies not all of them homo-sapien
Surviving to the end, only to be shot in the head by a tall Ukrainian
Zombified? I was mortified, hoping you would not be typecast
Here’s hoping your days as cannon fodder are all in your past

Nothing good on TV, the remote about to be tossed
When I happened upon a program, ambiguously titled "Lost"
Your part in it seemingly minor (along with your stature)
I'll admit, I fell in love. my heart was forever captured

Then a day came that I will always dread..
Shot again (dammit!), at least not in the head
I cried out for vengeance! Screaming murder, and pulling out my hair,
Maybe I’ll luck out, and Michael will get eaten by that polar bear

Then off to Wal-Mart one day, and what do I see?
Your first movie Girlfight, packaged neatly on DVD
Two hours later and I knew for certain,
That I was in love, with obsession I was flirtin

Arriving at my home from the deep, dark jungles of the Amazon (.com)
Came 3 a.m., Blue Crush, and Control, blowing my mind like a hot Latina bomb
From driving a cab to surfing a wave, to mackin on Ray Liotta...
My faith in your skills had not diminished one iota

Thinking you couldn’t be made cooler by any story or plot
I entered a theater and beheld the movie S.W.A.T.
The first and only good remake of a seventies TV show
Ogling you in that work-out scene, I could only say “Whoa”

But you were more than just eye candy, sweating to Hendrix
The scenes with your daughter are on par with your high kicks
The way you cared and talked about her filled me with glee
And we still get to have gunfights with Ak’s and Uzi’s

Onto fake accents and swordfights in Bloodrayne...
And I say this with all due respect...but oh god the pain.
It wasn't your fault though my beautiful titta, Katarin was cool
But, video games cannot be good movies, it's sort of a rule

More recently we have The Breed, in a class of it’s own
Before it even came out, the critics started to moan
But I pre-ordered it, and watched it with gusto
A little short on length, but overall a good show.

So as you prepare to do battle in Seattle and tell your cat's tale
I know in my heart that you will not fail
For yours is a beautiful soul, caring for others regardless of race, creed, or emblem
Or whether they are your fans or your critics, or for however many legs carry them

Remember that we’re with you, in times of anger or distress…
That when the media is spinning half-truths and full-lies that you are a mess…
We love you anyway and couldn’t care less.


Keep up the good work Michelle